What If
by CatGirl88
Summary: What if Bella survived the birth of Renesmee without becoming a vampire? And what if she wanted another child? Would Edward allow it & will Jacob take him up on his generous offer?
1. Chapter 1

What if… Chapter 1

I had wanted another child ever since Renesmee was born, despite the terrible birthing process I had endured. Another child would mean another great joy beyond description, another piece to the puzzle I called life. The only problem that arose from my want of another child was my husband's refusal to be the father. That brought my dreams to a screeching halt.

"It would surely kill you, Bella." He'd said forcefully. "You're lucky you survived with Renesmee!"

Then after a long while, weeks actually, Edward came to me with a compromise, an unimaginable suggestion: That I should conceive a child with Jacob.

I was absolutely furious and disgusted by his so-called solution to my "problem" that I couldn't see straight. Sure he'd mentioned it before, but I hadn't taken him seriously. Sleeping with Jacob would be so wrong on so many levels of morality. After finally gaining a rift between our feelings for one another, such an act would definitely create a stirring of old emotions and no doubt cause some hurt feelings. But Edward had told me to think about it.

"How could you allow this?" I'd asked in complete shock. It took him a while to answer, as he was delayed by a moment of deep thought.

"I would give anything, my life even, for your happiness." Then he'd left me alone, I guess to ponder over his words. He'd seemed like he was in a daze.

So think I did. I weighed the pros and cons. If I agreed to this, I'd have a new baby: a black-haired, happy-go-lucky werewolf running around. I liked that thought. It would be wonderful, but how would Jacob feel if he were not allowed to be his father, not in the biological sense of course, but in a sense of raising the child and being there for it? That might be a big issue. But then again the child would be my part of Jacob, and his part of me; an everlasting connection to each other and what could have been. It could go either way. Was a new baby worth all the complicated feelings that would result?

Then there was Edward. The knowledge of raising a child that he knew not to be his own may prove to be difficult emotionally. Could he do it? Would he love the baby as his own? Or would it break his selfless heart? I presented him with this argument and he'd responded just as selflessly as ever.

"As long as you get what you want." He said, unable to hide the reluctance in his voice. "Besides, I want another child just as much as you do. To keep you safe I wouldn't care who fathered the baby, well, preferably someone you trusted, and I would love it as my own."

Why did he have to be so generous? It got on my nerves. Anyway, the more I thought about it the more I warmed up to the idea. I reflected on how absolutely selfless Edward was, willing to sacrifice a lot for me; even his own right to my body. All to make me happy. He was amazing. Did I want a child so badly that I would give myself to someone other than my own husband?

Edward had again reassured me when I asked him that very question, putting his own feelings on the back burner. So, very reluctantly, and with much persuasion I had agreed.

Jacob, however, wasn't too keen on the idea. After imprinting on Renesmee there was no other who he would dream of being with besides her. He argued the ethics as well, complaining about being used as a stud, or being viewed as some sick pervert for agreeing to it. It took a lot of work to convince him.

"It's just so wrong, Bella!" he'd argued, his cheeks turning red from embarrassment. "I'd feel so-so dirty! Sleeping with another man's wife!"

"You've got my permission." Edward had interceded grudgingly.

"That's even worse!" Jacob shouted, throwing his hands up in exasperation.

"We could use artificial insemination, then." Edward suggested, only gaining another outburst from Jake.

"Oh I know what that is." Jacob began. "I refuse to-to –you know _what_- in a cup! That's degrading and with all of you waiting- and- just NO!" He crossed his arms in defiance, pouting. It was so child-like that I couldn't help but to smile. Edward sighed and looked away from Jacob, seemingly gathering his bearings. He finally answered Jacob though, in a pleading tone.

"Jacob, my friend." He'd begun quietly. "I will not allow Bella to endure another pregnancy like Renesmee's ever again. Now, I want another child just as much as Bella does. You would be doing us a huge favor, Jacob. You would help us to have this child we both want so badly."

Jacob huffed.

"Then why don't you go to some sperm bank or-or grab some dude off the street? I'm sure-" Jacob ranted, but Edward cut him off impatiently.

"Because Bella knows you." He said sternly. "She loves you and trusts you completely." Then, a little less forcefully, "Would you give us this baby?"

"Do this for me, Jacob." I'd pleaded in a whisper. He sighed and put his face in his hands.

"What will Nessie think when she finds out I've slept with her mother?" he'd said weakly, his voice muffled by his big hands. I guess he realized he'd lost the battle and maybe even that he wanted me to be happy just as much as Edward did.

"We'll explain it to her when the time comes and she'll understand." Edward had said.

For the next couple of weeks, while I waited for my body to start ovulating, Jacob wouldn't make eye contact with me and I understood why. I couldn't look at him either without blushing like an idiot. I knew it would be an awkward process, but I was willing to endure it. I could only hope that Jacob was as well.

Keep Checking Back For Chapter 2! It's The Best Part!


	2. Chapter 2

What If… Chapter 2

I blushed now as I stood in front of Jacob, wearing an old tank and faded blue jeans and him in nothing but a pair of his black sweats. It was funny how that seemed to have become his signature look. My heart pounded as I contemplated what we were about to do, knowing it would change my life forever. I thought I'd prepared myself enough for this but, no. I was so not prepared.

We were at Jacob's home in La Push; Billy had gone fishing for the day and wouldn't be back until late in the evening. It gave us the perfect opportunity and the entire afternoon to get it over with. I wondered briefly how Jacob was feeling: scared, excited, or upset?

"I'm nervous." Jacob admitted, as if he'd heard my thoughts. He sighed and plopped down onto his bed, staring blankly at the wall across from him. I was sympathetic, understanding that this little shenanigan would most likely trouble both our minds and possibly implant harmful emotions. Harmful in that I may feel overwhelmed with guilt afterwards, or Jacob may feel as if he were being used, or maybe even hopeful of an impossible relationship with me. I would absolutely hate for him to think that this was anything more than an act of procreation. That would hurt him, and I couldn't stand to hurt him.

I sat down next to him and hugged him tightly for reassurance. He smiled unenthusiastically and patted my arm.

"You know," he said with another sigh. "A year ago I would have given anything to have you. I'd imagined it sometimes. What I pictured was amazing; a happy experience. And now here I am getting what I wished for and I feel so…"

He trailed off his sentence, shaking his head and turning away from me. I saw his pained expression though, before he could conceal my view.

"Jake," I consoled. "This can be a happy experience. You just have to let it." I thought about his worried statement, wondering how wrong it would be to pretend we were together, that we were in love? For Jacob's sake… Maybe even for mine. Would we really be pretending though? I had been in love Jacob at one point in time and, as much as I hated to say it, never quite resolved those feelings. Could I allow myself to use this opportunity as a way of closure, of seeing what I could have had? Just this once, should I throw all my buried feelings into it? Would Jacob do the same? After a very long moment of thought, I finally came to a conclusion.

"Listen," I said determined, rubbing his strong back. "I know you've wanted this and deep down I-I want it too."

He closed his eyes and frowned. I wasn't lying to him and that scared me terribly. But he had to know.

"Jacob," I continued. "I love you. Not only as a friend. As much as I've tried to repress and pretend I don't, I still have feelings for you… I want this…"

"But you love _him _more." He said, opening his eyes to stare intently at me.

"I guess that's so." I said in a whisper, watching an expression of hurt wash over his face. "And it seems you still love me as well, despite Renesmee."

"What we had, or what I thought we had, was special. It's hard to let go of that." He was fidgeting with a wad of fuzz from his sweats.

"Maybe we can-I don't know-use up our feelings for each other now. Use this chance to get it all out of our system." I stared at the floor.

"What are you saying, Bella." He asked haughtily. I sighed.

"I'm saying that this will be our only chance to express our love for one another, however repressed it may be. These feelings we have won't last long because Renesmee is growing fast." I paused for a breath. Jacob bit his lower lip. "So let's take advantage of our situation."

He was thoughtful for a moment, the ball of fuzz lay forgotten on the wooden floor.

"Edward won't have to know?" he asked quietly.

"I don't want him to know." I answered. "It would hurt him…" Jacob nodded and averted his eyes from me.

"This _can _be a happy experience, Jake." I urged after a moments pause. "You can make love to me, okay? You can put all of your feelings into it because I will too." He looked back at me.

"I do still love you, Bella." He whispered. I nodded silently in response.

"Let's do this." I said as I shifted nervously on the bed. He nodded and stared at his feet.

"W-where do we start?" he asked, never meeting my eyes. I saw his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed hard. He was so nervous it was sweet. I smiled at his obvious innocence and giggled.

"How about with a kiss?"


	3. Chapter 3

What If… Ch.3

I giggled at Jacob's vulnerable expression, amused. He smiled softly, embarrassed, and then suddenly turned serious. Slowly, he leaned in and touched his warm lips to mine. I'd kissed him before, but the contrast between his warm lips and Edward's icy ones still caught me off guard. Jacob's kiss began gently as he hesitantly tested the waters, and soon became a slightly more passionate action. His tongue danced across my lips, asking my permission to enter and surprising me with its fiery temperature. I opened my mouth and allowed my own tongue to explore, tasting the unfamiliar sweetness of his wet tongue. It was so unreal, kissing the man who I once loved but knew I could never be with; exhilarating.

I began to feel feverish, and I wrapped my arms around his strong neck, bringing him closer to me. With a shaky breath Jacob encircled my waist with his muscular arms, giving me the out of place feeling of comfort and protection. I felt him slide his calloused hands from the small of my back to my hips, feeling me, trying to memorize my shape. I

followed suit, caressing the tough muscles of his arms, his chest, his taut nipples.

He moved his lips to my neck, kissing and suckling at the most sensitive areas. I let my head roll back as a wave of hesitant passion filled my body, beginning in my heart and settling in my most private of areas. He then kissed a trail down from my neck to my collar bone, and with his right hand he hesitantly cupped my breast, kneading it gingerly. His breathing became noticeably heavier, as did mine, as the anticipation continued to build not only in my body, but Jacob's. I could actually feel is restless energy. He paused his ministrations, grabbing hold of the hem of my tank top and asking me with his beautiful, chocolate eyes if he could remove it.

"It's okay." I whispered, cupping his cheek in my hands. He smiled shyly.

Jacob clumsily pulled my tank up and over my head and then tossed it onto the floor. The rush of cool air from the room washed over my bare stomach, sending chills down my spine and causing my nipples to peak beneath my bra. Jacob couldn't keep his mouth away from me then, kissing and licking down my chest to linger between my breasts. My hands were tangled in his shaggy black hair as I enjoyed the sensations a little too much.

"Bella…" he mumbled, face still at my breasts. I moaned softly in response and he gazed up at me, eyes heavy with desire. I leaned down to kiss his forehead, my hands caressing his lower abs.

"I love you." He whispered, never breaking eye contact.

"I love you, too." I said without a bit of hesitation.

Jacob then returned his focus to my body, and reached down to fumble with the button on my jeans. I suppressed another giggle, not wanting to hurt his man pride, and assisted him in unbuttoning me. I leaned back on the bed as he stripped me of my jeans. His eyes were appraising me as I lay there in my plain white bra and panties. For moment I whished I'd worn something a little more sexy. Jacob spoke then, as if he'd heard my thoughts.

"You're so beautiful, Bella." He said in a deep, husky voice.

"You don't think I look plain with my ratty old cotton…" I asked. He shook his head.

"I don't think that. This is what I've always imagined you wearing. Sweet and simple Bella. Besides, who needs all that fancy underwear when they've got a body as perfect as yours?" He smiled and touched my cheek. I chuckled and turned serious again, appreciating his compliments when, in my eyes anyway, they were clearly untrue.

I looked at him then, beckoning him with my eyes. He took another shaky breath and leaned over me, resting on his left elbow, and caressed my stomach and then my thighs. Thank goodness I'd remembered to shave that morning, I thought. He kissed my neck again and with timid gentleness, nipped me with his teeth, eliciting a warm throb between my legs and causing my breathing to stagger.

I reached behind my back to unclasp my bra, saving him the trouble, and feeling delight pulse through me as Jacob's pupils dilated with excitement. His breath came with a haggardness as he took my nipple in his mouth and suckled it, a new determination in his demeanor.

"Jake…"

I could feel his erection begin to grow against my right thigh and while he continued to nurse my breasts I glanced down to see its size through his sweat pants. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but considering Jacob's body size and structure it would have to be pretty large; proportionate to his body. The size scared me, its length more than what I was used to. Even though I wasn't a virgin it could hurt terribly. I hoped he would take it easy with me, not be too ravenous.

Jacob then carefully slid my panties down and added them to the forgotten mess of clothes on the floor. He boldly ran his hand over the coarse triangle of hair and then unexpectedly placed a rough finger into my warm folds, caressing my most sensitive of places and not even knowing it. My breath staggered and a quiet groan escaped my lips. Our eyes met and he held my gaze as he began to rub and explore me, delving down into my wetness and, judging by me expressions, discovering what places felt the best to touch. He was very observant and picked up on it quickly.

"You can go inside." I whispered in response to a sudden look of apprehension on his handsome face. He swallowed with difficulty and inserted one finger and then two. It hurt a bit, his fingers were so big, but the feeling of pleasure overrode the pain, the pleasure of having him so close to me, having his warm fingers inside me. I began to pant heatedly as he moved his fingers, in and out with slow and careful intensity and I watched his face as he studied me, taking in my reactions and the parts of a woman he'd never explored before. It made me a bit uncomfortable, so I grabbed his chin and forced him to look at my eyes.

"What should I do?" he asked timidly, biting his lower lip. I'd almost forgotten that he was still a virgin. He reminded me of Edward on our honeymoon, pausing often to ask what to do, as if I knew, and what I wanted. Jacob however, was so innocently ignorant that it was proving difficult to not see him as endearing at the moment. I smiled softly and ran my fingers through his thick hair. He tilted his head toward me, eyes closed, and savored my touch. Then he nuzzled his cheek into my palm, loving on me.

"Do whatever you want." I said.

He pulled his fingers out, rubbing them together to feel their slickness. His demeanor changed rapidly again and I noticed his eyes flash with passion, his body reacting to his desires. He leaned down and kissed me with earnest, breathing more heavily and turning my insides to jell-o. As he attacked me with more kisses, I felt his erection from underneath his sweats graze my thigh, unconsciously humping and rubbing against me. The motion sent shivers into my core, and my body actually ached for that feeling to reside inside of me rather than on my thigh. I felt another thump of desire pulsate within me and I knew I couldn't hold out much longer.

I reached down to the elastic of his waistband and slid my fingers inside, feeling his taut lower abs and his jutting pelvic bones. Jacob sucked in air suddenly with my touch and let out a masculine groan against my lips as I bravely touched his throbbing erection. He _was_ big, I knew now. Instead of the nervous fear of pain coursing through me, I felt nothing but anticipation for what was to come. Edward was a nice size himself, perfectly proportioned to his lean body size, and since he was the only man I'd ever been with, my body wasn't accustomed to anything different. Yet still I felt no apprehension any longer. I was ready.

Jacob paused his shower of kisses to reach down and pull his sweats off, revealing himself: a body made of pure muscle, running on nothing but love and lust. I admired his physique as he nibbled my ear, noticing the sexy trail of black hair that began at his navel and joined in with the bushel of hair surrounding his impressive erection. I saw his thighs, a slightly lighter shade of skin covering the powerful muscles beneath.

The burn in my core that resulted from this vision was hard to control, and so I gave up and allowed myself to lose what little control I still had. As I wrapped my arms around his strong neck I kissed his mouth with such passion that I surprised myself. He tilted his head up so I could suckle his neck instead, breathing huskily, his mouth open slightly with pleasure.

"Gah…"he mumbled, breathless. He dipped his head back down and then positioned himself above me, moving his body in between my legs and opening me to the chill air. I could feel his erection touch my inner thigh again, and then pause at my wet opening. I opened my eyes to find Jake looking straight into them. I'm not certain what I saw behind those eyes. Happiness for finally having me, sorrow for what could have been… His emotions seemed to be mixed, according to his eyes, and so I asked him what he was thinking at that very moment, right before we would come together.

"I'm thinking about how much I still love you; how much I want you…"he said, voice saturated with unashamed desire. I didn't say anything back, just continued to peer into his dark eyes.

"Are you sure about this, Bella?" he said then. "There's no turning back what we are about to do."

I nodded solemnly, remembering what happiness would come from our lovemaking. He let out a nervous breath, placing his arms on either side of my shoulders. His body was trembling just as much as his voice, as adrenaline coursed through his veins.

Slowly, hesitantly, he slid himself into my opening and groaned breathily with pleasure. The sound made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end as it excited me further. His size did hurt my small opening as he forced himself deeper into me, stretching the tender walls to the max. Once he reached the barrier he began the instinctive motion, his eyes hooded with need, but I grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Wait." I gasped. I let my body adjust to his large size for a moment, Jacob watching my face intently. After a few seconds I nodded for him to continue, so he began again, slowly this time; passionately as if he were reveling in the knew feeling. I knew I was reveling, absolutely loving the feel of the searing warmth of his penis inside me. I arched my back, lifting my hips to meet him half way, thrusting with just as much slow deliberation.

"Bella…" he breathed into my ear as he nibbled at it. I let out a low moan, panting breathily and feeling him so deep within me, not only completely filling me up physically, but emotionally as well. We were one entity, and during the moments that we were joined, nothing else mattered.

I listened to the sensual sounds he made, loving the deep, ragged breathing and masculine groans. I could smell the woodsy musk of his trembling skin mingling with my own smell, causing my nose to tingle. I could even taste the sweet passion in his mouth as he kissed me deeply. Every sense seemed to be heightened and I was so fully aware of Jacob and his body and of my own, that it was surreal. It was amazing.

In earnest I reached up top cup his firm backside, trying to push him deeper. His thrusts then became faster and more determined, as did mine, and he began to use his whole body to move, not just his hips, jostling my own body with power. Our breathing grew frantic as we climbed closer to our goal, filling the tiny room with desperate gasps of increasing pleasure. I felt him nuzzle his face into the crook of my neck as he worked, and I could feel his moist breath on my throat, sending shivers of goose bumps across my skin.

Jacob reached down to my waist and lifted my hips to receive his pounding thrusts, balancing himself with one hand still at my shoulder. Suddenly the smoldering fire within my core began to come alive and consume my fevered body. My breathing synchronized with his, both of us searching for air that wouldn't come fast enough, and our movements intensified with every passing second. I could feel beads of sweat trickle on my body, mixing with his, making our bodies slip against each other.

Then without warning, the fire exploded within me, coursing from my abdomen to the tips of my fingers and toes and sending my mind miles from everything but Jacob and the feeling that plunged me into ecstasy. I gasped as I rode out the burning wave of flames, feeling as if I'd been tossed into oblivion. My eyes were in contact with Jacob's as he watched my erotic expressions, and I could see that he was marveling at my reaction. I also saw the fire building within him as well, like little flames dancing in his eyes.

He ducked his head back down to my neck, continuing his progress and huffing with effort. I lay there with my arms around his trim waist, recovering from my release, and waited for him to come. My heart was still pounding, my lungs still searching for enough air; I was actually panting. When he did come, it was as if he had been released of an excruciatingly heavy burden. He cried out huskily and slowed his pace, biting the thin skin of my neck and taking in every sensation slowly. I felt his hot cum shoot into me and I lifted my pelvis slightly to receive it, remembering the purpose to our lovemaking. His breath was ragged as he finally slowed his movement to a stop and I could feel the slight jerks as his orgasm shook his massive body.

He was still for a moment, one arm at my shoulder, the other holding my waist, and then he collapsed on top of me, absolutely spent, and knocked out what little air I had in the first place. But he quickly moved aside, breathing with some effort from exertion at my right side. We lay there without a word for a long moment, reflecting on what had just occurred between us. I reached over and touched his sweaty back, caressing and soothing his feverish skin and he sighed deeply in obvious contentment.

"Did I do alright?" he mumbled after a pause, his face half concealed by the pillow. I smiled and rolled over onto my stomach too, our faces only inches apart. The pillow underneath my head smelled like Jacob, and I found such comfort in that that I wondered briefly why that was. Maybe just knowing that it was Jake's smell, a scent of someone who made me happy and would always protect me, filled me with serenity. But I wasn't sure.

"You were perfect." I whispered. He peered into my eyes as if he were checking to see if I were telling the truth. Apparently finding no evidence of a lie, he smiled at me shyly.

"You felt so good…" he said as he readjusted his head to reveal his whole face. I blushed at his compliment and so did he. Jacob was just so sweet and, despite what he'd just done to me, so heartbreakingly adorable. I briefly recalled the way he'd felt inside of me and how his masculinity had done me in. His cute boyishness was instantly replaced with the image of pure sexiness.

"You felt wonderful too." I said boldly. "You were so warm…" He looked at me with a humble expression.

"Am I in league with Edward?" he asked, and then rolled over onto his back, pulling the sheets over his beautifully sculpted body. I caught a fleeting glimpse of his penis, surprised by its flaccid length as well. It was strange to hear Edward's name now, like he were a stranger from my past. I felt guilt wash over me for thinking of him that way, when I knew full well he was the one I loved. Most.

"I'm not going to compare the two of you." I said with a sigh. "Let's just say you're both different and better in your own ways." He chuckled and went silent.

"I'm glad we did this." he said after a moment.

"I am too."

"So this is it." he said.

"I guess so." I replied, rubbing his shoulder.

"I don't want things to be awkward between us." he began, turning to face me. "I still want us to be just Jacob and Bella. No matter what."

"Of course." I said. He sighed again and closed his eyes, arms behind his head, ready for a nap. I wish I could just fall asleep at will like he could.

We lay there for hours, him snoozing somewhere between sleep and consciences, me staring at the ceiling, never saying a word. I knew in my heart that I had conceived, and so would never have to lay with Jacob again. A few hours ago that fact would have satisfied me, but now, as I lay beside the father of my new baby, I was kind of disappointed, and that bothered me. It was wrong. I loved Edward, not Jacob. And yet the knowledge that we would never have this opportunity again ate at my heart. If only I could have both…

A sudden roar sounded from the driveway. I sat up straight, my heart pounding. BILLY! I jumped out of bed and hurried to find my clothes and pull them on. I found one of Jake's old tennis shoes and chucked it at him, hitting him right on the head. He mumbled a curse word and say up, looking at me like I was crazy.

"What the hell was that for?" He said sleepily, rubbing his sore head.

"Billy!" I said, grinding my teeth.

He hurried out of bed, accidentally tripping on the sheets and falling into his dresser. Any other time it would have been funny, but at the moment it made me angry; he was wasting time. I threw his sweats at him then, and they too hit him in the head.

"Stop throwing things at me!" he hollered, picking up a pillow and hurling it in my direction. I glared and pulled my tank top over my head, almost dressed, still searching frantically for my panties. The sound of the creaking front door floated back to Jacob's room, and we both froze. He was dressed now at least, but my bottom was bare.

"Forget the underwear!" he whispered desperately. I grabbed my jeans and crammed them on and had them buttoned just in time for Billy to knock on Jake's door. Jake and I both took a calming breath and spoke in unison.

"Come in." we mumbled, trying to act as natural as was possible. Billy pushed the door open, letting it swing slowly. When he saw me, Billy's eyes lit up briefly. But then he must have noticed something strange about our demeanor, because his face turned accusing.

"What have you two been up to?" he said, mock seriousness on his face. Jake and I laughed stupidly.

"Nothing"

"Just hangin' out."

"We didn't do anything."

Billy's fake serious expression turned real and skeptical, as our answers jumbled together with our nervous chuckles. He looked at Jacob. Jacob raised his eyebrows and lifted his hands, physically asking 'what?'.

"I need to get home." I said then, to break the awkward silence. "Renesmee will be wondering where I've been."

"I'll walk you to the car." Jake muttered. He followed close behind me, neither of us looking at Billy as we passed by. My heart finally began to slow as we headed out to the driveway, feeling like I'd just dodged a bullet.

Once we'd reached my too expensive car, Jacob let out a long stream of air, like he'd been holding his breath the whole time. I looked at him and our eyes met and it was too much. We both burst out with laughter, letting out the nervous energy that had built up within our bodies and celebrating our escape. I laughed so hard that tears spilled over my cheeks. Jacob noticed and wiped them away with a chuckle.

"That was close." He said, subconsciously rubbing his head again. That made me laugh again.

"Sorry about the shoe." I said, playfully punching him in the arm. He shrugged and looked away with a smile.

"I guess you have to go…" he mumbled, obviously disappointed. I sighed and grabbed his warm hand. We stared into each other's eyes for the longest time. I knew he was thinking the exact same thing I was back in his bedroom. That sense of loss, knowing that we'd just fulfilled a mutual want and would never do it again. It was painful.

But I had a family at home. I had a loving husband who I'd chosen. I couldn't change my decision of Edward, didn't want to. I didn't want to give up Jacob either. But I knew it was the right thing to do. He was Renesmee's now, and as soon as she was grown he would never think of me romantically again. That was best. And it was best that I leave our experience here in the driveway, never bring it up again and forget about it. As much as I hated to, and as much as I hated myself for not wanting to, I had to leave it. And so I did.

"I still love you, Bella." Jacob said suddenly.

"I love you too Jake."

"I'll see you tomorrow, then." He said, kicking the dirt under his feet. "Renesmee and I are going to the park. She loves to feed the ducks…"

I nodded. He reached out and gave me one of his bear hugs that I loved so much, and I hugged him back. It felt like I was saying goodbye forever. I got in my car and cranked it, getting ready to leave.

Jake leaned into the window and kissed me deeply one last time. His scent filled my nostrils and I could literally feel my heart breaking in two.


	4. Chapter 4

What If… Ch. 4

Things weren't too awkward between Jake and me, despite what we'd done together. For the first couple of days he sort of shied away from me, but I couldn't blame him. Every time I saw him I was haunted by memories of that afternoon at Billy's house, of his beautiful body and our experience. I figured he was thinking the same and I knew that would embarrass him, so he just tried not to look at me at all. It's kind of funny now, but… Anyway, after coming to terms with our odd situation, Jake was actually very mature about the entire thing. Around me and Edward, or anybody for that matter, he always referred to my growing stomach _as_ mine and Edward's. He never slipped up, never mentioned the conception, never made a fuss. He was great. I appreciated his efforts greatly, proud of how well he was taking it and thankful for the lack of drama that resulted.

But I knew it was killing him.

The times when Jake didn't think anyone was watching he'd gaze at me, taking in my swollen stomach. The look of longing that would appear on his handsome face was always so profound that it broke my heart. I knew what he was thinking: that's my baby inside the woman I was meant to have, they both belong to another man, and I can't do anything about it. I was almost positive Jake regretted our agreement and he had every right to. As my child grew, the pain in Jacob grew. It was obvious despite his extraordinary efforts to hide it from me, and it physically hurt _me _to see him that way.

But what is done is done. It was just like Jake had said months ago: "There's no taking back what we are about to do." I would have never guessed those words would come back to haunt me. But here I was, pregnant with another man's child and unable to turn back time. What a predicament…

As soon as I caught on to the turmoil Jacob was experiencing as a result of my pregnancy, I bombarded Edward with questions concerning Jake's thoughts. I needed input because to me, Jacob seemed to be battling some demons. But it turns out Jake was tougher than I'd thought.

Edward explained to me that Jacob was noticeably controlling his thoughts around him, thinking only of unimportant, fickle things; never letting his guard down.

"It's like when you walk into a room and the conversation comes to a screeching halt. It's obvious that you were the subject of their conversation." Edward explained. "With Jacob, when I step into the room, his mind just stops moving for a moment, and then instantly: football."

Since it was apparent that Jacob had a guard up, I knew for sure he was struggling. He never let it grow weak either, because Edward was never able to figure out what his opinion was. So after a while I just stopped inquiring.

"Do you think we've made a bad decision?" Edward asked one night, completely surprising me. By then, I was around seven months huge. I was in bed, lying on my back, trying to figure out a new way to breathe and carry on a conversation at the same time.

I sighed, taking his question seriously, despite my discomfort, and thought about my answer for a long time. But I realized I didn't have one. I knew this would have come up eventually, even though we all tried hard to pretend it wasn't an issue, and I should have prepared myself in case it ever came up.

"I honestly don't know." I said, turning to my right and allowing my stomach to flop over with a sloshy sound. Edward took a slow breath; as if he needed to.

"Bella, I…" he began, but couldn't find the words to express his opinion. So I tried to express mine.

"I'm happy about having a baby." I said slowly, truthfully, choosing my words carefully. "I love her already-"

"Wait. Her?"

"It's a girl."

"Oh. How do you know? It was supposed to be a surprise."

"I just do." I said, tired of the interruptions. "Anyway, I don't regret this child. I just wish…"

"That it was mine?" he said, fidgeting with the hem of the too-expensive sheets.

I was quiet for a moment. Neither of us had ever brought up the fact that it wasn't his biologically, and so it was kind of a shock to hear Edward mention it. I knew _this _was coming too.

"It is yours, Edward." I insisted. He didn't respond, so I continued. "You'll raise her and so you will be, and already are, her father. It's your name that's going on the birth certificate so please don't bring that up again."

"I'm sorry."

Seeing the hurt expression on his face, I realized that I was, again, being selfish and I wanted to kick myself. It was terrible of me to just brush off his feelings like I had. I could only imagine what Edward was feeling; raising the child of another man and probably feeling pretty horrible because I'd really only asked about Jacob's thoughts on the matter, not his. Realizing this, _I _began to feel rotten.

"No," I said. "I'm the one who should be sorry. All these months have passed and I haven't once considered your feelings… I feel awful…"

"Shhh." He whispered softly. "It's alright-"

"No it's not alright!" I exclaimed. "Tell me what's going through your mind."

"I'm just…worried." He said after a moment.

"About what?'

"About everything I guess. I'm afraid that once the child is born-I don't know-what if I can't see it as mine and love it like a father should? What if knowing that it's not truly mine will hinder me?"

"When we agreed to this you assured me that wouldn't be a problem, Edward." I said, not believing what he'd just said.

"I didn't think it would. But like I said, I'm just worried about it."

I saw the torture in his golden eyes, similar to the pain in Jacob's, and it made me sick to think that I'd caused this much of a problem for the two men I loved most. The full impact of my decision hit hard at that moment, and the weight of it nearly took my breath away. How could I always be so selfish, so careless with Jacob and Edward's feelings? I really hated myself then, realizing that my actions had had such an impact on those most important to me, and that they were fighting tremendous feelings of uncertainty and probably even regret.

"Edward, I am so sorry…" I choked, tears beginning to collect in my eyes. He reached over and encircled me with his cold arms. "I never thought this baby would cause you both so much heartache."

"Bella. Listen to me-"

"No Edward." I blubbered, the tears spilling onto my cheeks. "I have been so selfish! I should have never asked you for another baby. You'd have never suggested such a stupid solution it if weren't for me. You do everything to make me happy and what do I do? Ruin it! I am such a-"

"Bella, listen to what you are saying." Edward interrupted. "You are not the only one to blame. In fact, I don't think you deserve _any _blame."

"Oh, don't start in with that crap again!" I sobbed. "'It's not your fault, Bella'."

"Listen my love. How could anyone blame a woman for wanting another child? It's only natural. Besides, I wanted one too, and so I tried to come up with a way."

"Oh, Edward…" I huffed.

"I chose to allow my wife to conceive with another man. It was my decision that triggered the consequences. Not yours."

"But Jacob…"

"Well…" Edward began. "He could've refused, and chose not to. But I can't put blame on him either because I worked hard to persuade him, just as hard as I worked to convince you. This was a mistake on my part, and any heartache I have is well deserved. But the hurt you feel, worrying about me, worrying about Jacob, and his pain, is all on me."

Mistake. I was afraid of that word because I was afraid that my baby might very well be just that, a mistake. But no. No child is a mistake and mine was not going to be the exception. I refused to see her that way. Edward's words, however selfless at the end of his explanation, set me on fire and I was angry.

"This baby is not a mistake." I said trough gritted teeth. Edward, an expression of surprise on his face, looked at me intently.

"That's not what I meant at all." He said softly, an earnest tone in his voice.

"Oh." I mumbled stupidly. "I'm sorry…"

"Don't worry about it." He was quiet, downhearted.

"Maybe we should just-I don't know-"

"Drop the subject?" he suggested, a soft smile appearing on his face. It wasn't a humorous or happy smile, just one meant as a truce. I nodded, though I still wanted to discuss it, because it seriously needed to be discussed.

"Until another time at least." I answered. He nodded and I snuggled into his chest, the coolness calming me somewhat.

I never really slept that night. I couldn't. So many questions ran rampant through my mind that I couldn't relax, I couldn't let go and rest. No matter what Edward had said about the consequences being on his shoulders, I knew I had some responsibility in it. I shouldn't have agreed to sleep with my best friend. I knew the ramifications and I took the risk. Now Jacob was suffering because of my actions.

I was going to fix this problem. I was determined to make things right again, no matter how difficult it might be. The baby was not a mistake, and all this was happening for a reason. Wasn't it? Isn't that how fate worked? You do something careless, learn your lesson, and in the end everything just clicks into place? There had to be a reason for this, and my new job was figuring out what the heck it was.


	5. Chapter 5

What If… Ch. 5

**Jacob **

Bella and I were piled up on the couch in her and Edward's cottage, watching _Home Improvement_ and pigging out on chocolate ice cream and pickles. She lay with her head on my shoulder, softly rising and falling with each breath I took. Her stomach was enormous, being near her due date by now, and I couldn't help but wonder how on earth she got around. I looked at her swollen belly and chuckled.

"How much weight have you gained, Bella?" I asked, teasing. Her eyes snapped from the television and glared at me.

"It's baby weight, butthead." She grumbled and then rolled her eyes. I sniggered.

"How much?"

"Thirty-eight pounds." She huffed.

"Sweetie," I began. "I hate to break it to you, but I don't think that baby weighs thirty-eight pounds."

"You big oaf!" she growled, grabbing one of the fancy pillows that annoyingly adorned the couch and beat me up and down with it. It didn't hurt and so I laughed. That made her angry.

"Sorry, sorry!" I crowed, trying to contain my laughter. "You set yourself up for that one. I couldn't resist!"

"No _you _set _me _up! Jerk!" she yelled.

I took the pillow from her, jerking with what turned out to be way too much force, and lost my balance. I luckily caught myself, my arms at Bella's shoulders and my face way to close to hers for comfort. I froze. I sure was glad I had been able to keep my heavy frame from landing on the baby, but the closeness to its mother made me nervous. It was awkward.

To my dismay, my mind flashed back in time, remembering the last moment when our faces had been so close, the time we'd come together as one. My face began to feel hot as I blushed at the reverie and it made me angry. Edward had pointed out long ago that I was one to wear my emotions on my sleeve, and I knew I was probably doing it at that very moment. I was positive Bella would notice my blush and figure out what it was I was thinking of. Nine months of hiding it from her, taking refuge behind a fragile guard and trying to never think about it, and in one instant my efforts had proved to be in vain. My guard had fallen and she'd seen the emotions on my face.

"Sorry." I mumbled, pushing myself upright and turning my attention back to the television.

We were watching the episode where Tim accidentally crushes his wife Jill's Nomad with an eight ton beam, one of my favorites. But suddenly I didn't think I could enjoy it anymore at that moment. I had let a flood of unwelcome emotions and memories wash into my heart, just in that little instant of weakness. And try as I might, I couldn't stop the pain that oozed from it; pain I'd long ago stored away and tried to forget about but never seemed to be able to. Geez, I wished I was numb.

"It's alright." She said, clearing her throat nervously. "You missed her."

I nodded, eyes glued to the television screen. The best thing to do would be to ignore the onset of pain, pretend it didn't exist. Maybe it would go away quicker it I paid it no attention.

I heard Bella huff and cross her arms dramatically.

"What?" I asked monotonously.

"You're acting funny again, Jake." She said, grabbing my chin and forcing me to look at her.

"Again?"

"Yes."

"What am I doing?"

"Acting funny."

_I _huffed then.

"_How _am I acting funny, Bella?" I said haughtily, wishing she wouldn't look so deeply into my eyes.

"You've gone all quiet." There was nothing but concern on her face.

"I'm watching the show."

"No. You're thinking about something."

Why did she have to know me so well? I swear she could read my thoughts just as well as Edward could.

"I'm thinking about how funny it is when Jill goes to the body shop to see the car and-"

"Jake I'm being serious." She interrupted.

"Me too."

"Why won't you tell me what you're thinking?"

"I just did."

"Jacob Black!"

"What?!"

Our conversation, if you could call it that, halted immediately and we were silent for a long moment, glaring at each other. I was not going to give her the satisfaction, I was not going to give in and let her know the things I was imagining or the hurt I was feeling. But then again, Bella was just as stubborn as I was and wouldn't give up and drop the subject unless I told her something. Damn.

"Fine." She snapped. "You won't tell me, but I already know so don't bother."

"Then why did you even ask?"

"Confirmation purposes."

"Oh. Well now that its settled, lets be quiet and watch the show." I turned back to the screen. She huffed at me again and I almost chuckled, but didn't.

"I want to discuss it." She stated quietly. Of course she did. Women loved to discuss personal, unwelcome matters. Tim the Tool Man and I should start our own club; a refuge where all men could grunt and stink and never have to talk about such uncomfortable subjects.

"I don't want to."

"What is it with you guys and never taking the time to think about what you are feeling and figure a way to fix it if a need be? The only things you all think about fixing are cars and leaky faucets!" She was exasperated.

"More power!" I said, giving her my best tool-man grunt. She didn't appreciate my attempt at humor, only glaring in response.

"Alright, alright." I muttered, giving in and letting her persistence run me over. "What do you want to know?"

"Well," she began. "I already know that you're unhappy about the baby."

Whoa! Where the hell did that come from? I really didn't want to discuss that particular issue. It wasn't even what I was thinking about in the first place. I felt my heart, feebly sewn together in an attempt to repair the hurt, rip back open and flood with more unwanted feelings. Maybe, I thought with weak hope, if I told her what I was really thinking about she would drop the baby subject. It was the most excruciating of all my many pains and thus thinking on it left me in dire need of a distraction.

"That wasn't what I was thinking about." I mumbled, the shock still noticeable in my voice despite my attempt to disguise it.

"Um-oh. I, uh…" She was rambling.

"It's okay."

She sighed heavily and turned her focus to the television, eyes glazed and unseeing. That was easy enough, I thought. It was safe to say that I'd dodged the bullet, so I took a few quick and uneven breaths, forcing the uncomfortable emotions back from my immediate stream of consciousness. I was hard to pull off…

"I'm sorry I brought it up." Bella said suddenly, eyes never straying from the show. I shrugged and followed her gaze. Jill had just pulled the cover off the Nomad, revealing the totaled heap that was once her car. Hilarious.

"No problem." I muttered.

Everything was silent between us for only a short moment, for Bella huffed yet again and turned toward me, over exaggerating the movement so as to make sure I noticed that her attention was now on me. I sighed then, also over exaggerating, and turned the television off with the remote. Bella had a serious problem with dropping unwelcome subjects and it pissed me off.

"What, Bella?" I snapped, my eyes glaring at the blank television screen.

"I want to know what you were-"

"I was just remembering us, back at my house about nine months ago." I interrupted, my voice like an angered bear. Again she was silent.

"Happy now?" I barked.

"Jake, we agreed to leave that back in La Push." She said with a shaking voice. "You were supposed to forget about it."

"Well it's not that easy for me."

"I didn't say it was easy for me either, Jake. It was so hard for me to just drop my feelings there in La Push and forget." She shot back.

"So you just completely wiped it from your memory; just like that." I snapped my fingers to emphasize my words.

"No not 'just like that'." She said, lowering her voice to mimic mine. I really hated to be mocked, especially by someone who knew that, and did it anyway to rile me up.

'Oh really…"

"Yeah. And I never forgot, Jake! As hard as I tried, I could never erase your image from my mind. I am running out of distractions."

"Distractions?"

"To distract my thoughts from you."

"Aw it can't be too hard for you." I said, voice oozing with disdain. "You've got someone to keep your mind occupied.'

"And you don't?!"

"No I don't!"

"Hello! Renesmee you idiot!" she screeched. _I _huffed then and fell silent, giving myself time to figure out how I was going to explain to Bella that Renesmee just couldn't fulfill what it was I yearned for.

"She's so young, Bella." I said finally, trying with all my might to remain civil. "She can't provide the companionship I need or the intimacy I want."

I sort of blushed at the end of my sentence, hoping Bella didn't take it the wrong way and think that I was a nasty horn dog or something. I really hadn't meant to say that last part, but it slipped out of my mouth anyway. Bella took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"She'll be grown in a few years. Can't you just wait for her?"

"Do you have any idea how sick and tired I am of peek-a-boo and Barbie?" I said with exasperation.

"Jake…"

"Is it wrong for me to want some sort of relationship while I wait?"

"You've got forever with her, Jake."

"I need someone to- I don't know- relate to, share a few laughs…"

"I can't believe this…"

"Bella, Nessie is smart, but I can't carry on an intelligent conversation with her, I can't treat her as if she were an adult. Not yet, anyway. I need somebody, and that somebody happens to be you."

"I'm a married woman!"

I knew that and I felt stupid for uttering what I had said. Like she would ever give up her precious Edward or commit an act of adultery. Oh wait, she already had.

"I'm sorry but I just can't get you off my mind." I said quietly. I was afraid I was beginning to sound desperate, but so what? "Ever since that afternoon…"

"The terms were to leave it at that." Bella said with force, her eyes boring intently into mine. "One time, Jacob. One chance to express every buried feeling with no strings attached."

"I know but-"

"I was afraid this would happen. I give you an inch and you try and take ten yards!"

"What the hell, Bella? You freakin' had sex with me! That's way more than an inch, that's a mile you gave to me." I was officially furious with her.

"Jacob come on."

"I don't understand how you could ever expect me to just forget about something like that." I growled. "I finally get to have you and then you go back to _him_. I get you pregnant and _he _gets the baby! How am I not supposed to feel some sort of freakin' attachment to the woman I was meant to be with and the child she's cooking, which happens to be mine? How am I not supposed to feel jealousy when _he _has taken everything I have and have ever wanted away from me again?!"

I guess you could say I had an outburst. Everything was silent again. So silent that I cold actually hear the blood pulsing through my veins. I hadn't meant to bring the baby into the argument, but apparently when I am on a roll things tend to slip out. And I could have kicked myself, for big crocodile tears had begun to spring up and cascade down Bella's cheeks, and before I knew it she was sobbing like a child. She covered her face with her trembling hands and absolutely bawled. My heart actually broke for her. Again.

"Bella, honey…" I cooed, encircling her fragile frame with my arms, all anger completely evaporated from me. "I'm so sorry. So, so sorry."

I rocked her back and forth, patting her head with as much gentleness my large, clumsy hands could muster.

"Jake…" she whimpered.

"Sweetie, please forgive me." I was so at a loss for words it was unnerving. How could I have spoken so harshly towards her when I cared so dearly for her? Damn, I was such a monster!

"I'm such a horrible person!" she sobbed. The irony of what Bella had just said, having spoken my own thoughts but directed at herself, elicited an inappropriate chuckle from deep within me. Her head shot up, an accusing expression upon her beautiful face.

"I'm the one who's been yelling at you like a jerk and you think _you_ are the horrible one?" I said, reaching around her to wipe a few warm tears from her eyes.

"You had every right to." She began, a fresh torrent to tears brimming the edges of her thickly lashed lids.

"Now, Bella…"

"No, listen to me." She urged, twisting out of my embrace to stare me straight in the eyes. "The pain you are feeling-the way you described… I guess I could understand where you are coming from. Gosh, if I'd never mentioned another baby to Edward so long ago none of this would've ever happened."

I was quiet as despair rolled throughout my heart and soul, filling me with so much sadness I could barley take it. Bella's words revealed regret not only for getting pregnant, but also for choosing me to help. That realization hurt so terribly I could have cried. But I was no sap.

"What's done is done." I mumbled dejectedly.

"You're pain is so obvious." She cried. "Tell me what I can do to make this better. I need to ease this torture I've caused you."

I took a deep breath and lay my head back to rest on the back of the couch, at a loss for words yet again. There really wasn't anything that could be done to fix the dilemma, apart from Bella leaving Edward for me and allowing me the child I'd given her. That would ease my pain considerably. Until Renesmee was grown, that is. Wow, what then?

The full impact of the consequences resulting from the agreement between me, Bella, and Edward hit home just then, and it hit with some force. It left my mind reeling with unanswerable questions. Why hadn't any of us taken in consideration the complete mess that could result from our decisions? Why hadn't any of us prepared for each obstacle, thought ahead, or weighed the possible consequences? How stupid and irresponsible could we possibly be? What a complete nightmare we were in…

My thoughts were suddenly distracted from the problems at hand, as a sudden feeling of hot wetness spread around my rear end and bottom thigh. Curious, I glanced down to see a wet puddle quickly growing in circumference on the couch. That was way too much liquid to be tears, I though fleetingly.

"Bella, did you just pee?" I asked stupidly, my mind still befuddled with complicated questions. I looked up at her and saw a surprised expression upon her face, as if she's seen a ghost. She might have been in shock for all I knew.

"M-my water just broke!"

Damn.


	6. Chapter 6

What If… Ch.6

Edward and I stood at either side of Bella's shoulders, giving her words of encouragement to ease her through labor. She was huffing up a storm, writhing in pain on the hospital bed. Nurses in green scrubs scurried around frantically, adjusting the array of knobs on the monitors and checking stats. The doctor had yet to arrive, and so we were all an anxious group as we waited impatiently.

"Don't push yet, hon." The elderly midwife instructed in a nurturing tone. Bella's eyes rolled with anguish and sweat began to bead on her forehead.

"It hurts!" she gasped, her slender hands gripping the side rails like a vice. "I need an epidural…"

"It's too late for that, sugar." The matron continued. "Dr. Goss will be here in just a few minutes and then it will soon be over."

Bella let out a tortured sob.

"Darling I know it hurts," Edward soothed, causing me to gag. "But you can do this."

"Ha!" Bella said, a new determination in her voice. "This is nothing compared to Renesmee."

"That a girl." I encouraged. I reached up and smoothed her frazzled hair out of her face.

The moment Bella had uttered the words "my water just broke' I'd leapt into action. I had always prided myself on being able to handle emergency situations, and I'd followed through this time as well. Without hesitation, I'd cradled Bella in my arms, ignoring the warm liquid that covered her, and ran to put her in the super-fast Ferrari. On our way to the hospital I had dialed up Edward, telling him to get his bloodsucking rear end out of the forest –where he'd been hunting- and hurry to the hospital. I had almost not called, the urge to share the moment with Bella alone overwhelming my good judgment. But I knew that would be wrong of me to do. He was to be the father, it was his wife in labor, and so he needed to be informed. But I sure hated to do it.

I had carried her through the automatic doors into the ER, calling for help, and was immediately swarmed by a green blur of nurses who, without warning, took Bella from my arms and carried her off. I went straight to the main desk and asked for Carlisle, who was on call that afternoon, but had unfortunately been in trauma with a motor vehicle accident victim.

"Well, when he gets out let him know his daughter-in-law is here, alright?" I said and then rushed off to find out where the heck they had taken Bella.

I was really surprised at how quickly Bella had progressed dilation-wise. I'd seen television shows and movies where some women had to wait hours or even days to reach the needed circumference, and if it's on television it must be true, right? Maybe Bella was just an exception or something. The reasons for now allowing her an epi-duramax- thingy sounded a little fishy to me, but I had never trusted medical folks in the first place. I just wished they could do something for her pain.

The doctor arrived then, bustling in, looking intimidating and all business. He pulled on a pair of rubber gloves with haste and lifted up Bella's gown, peering up under it without so much as a 'Hello, I'm your doctor'. I didn't like that, or the fact that he was poking around down there under her gown.

"Who are you?" Edward snapped at the man, apparently just as agitated as I was about his intrusion into Bella's very personal space.

"The doctor." He said distractedly.

"Good to know." I mumbled. Bella grabbed my hand and squeezed as another torturous wave of a contraction rippled through her poor body.

The so-called doctor glanced up at Edward and me, catching the change in voices and just then realizing there were two men in the room, both acting in the father's position.

"Which one of you is the father?" he asked, eyes glancing from me to Edward suspiciously.

"I am." Edward announced. The doctor looked to me, taking in my tattered jeans and t-shirt, my bare feet.

"And you are…?"

"My son-in-law." Edward said, voice strong as if her were daring the doctor to object. The man took Edward's words to be sarcasm, and so furrowed his brow angrily.

"No one but immediate family"-

"He stays." Edward said flatly, closing the subject. I'd have to thank him for it later.

The doctor returned to his examination of Bella, an annoyed expression upon his lined face.

"I tried to get Carlisle…" I mumbled to Edward. He nodded his understanding, already hearing my thoughts before I spoke.

Bella was in labor for only a little over an hour, enduring such pain that I will never understand, nor ever wanted to. She had practically squeezed the life out of mine and Edward's hands –if Edward had had life that is- and screamed her head off at some points during the process. I had watched as the nurses and midwife coached and soothed Bella as she worked, awed by their knowledge and understanding, touched by their womanly companionship as they all worked as a team to bring the precious baby into the world. It was an absolutely amazing process, save for all the blood, and a true wonder to witness. And toward the end, when the doctor spoke, my heart leapt with excitement.

"There's the head." the doctor announced. Edward and I both leaned forward in haste to see the very first glimpse of the child. The top of its head was crowned with a mess of fine black hair…

Edward hissed at me then, having just realized I was looking with him. I glared into his golden eyes and returned to my position at Bella's left shoulder, caressing her sweat soaked locks. _It's nothing I haven't seen before, _I thought at Edward sadistically, and he hissed again. I smirked.

"Just a few more pushes, hon." The midwife said for motivation, trying to keep Bella's spirits up.

"That's right," I whispered into her warm ear. "You've got this, Bella. We're almost there."

Edward shot me a sharp look, and then returned to his position on Bella's right. It was apparent that he didn't appreciate the pronoun I'd used, and I took pleasure in that.

With one last heave, Bella ejected the newborn from her womb, sending with it a torrent of water splashing onto the floor. Geez, childbirth was so messy, I thought fleetingly and then looked up to see the baby, but the nurses held it out of my sight. Then the midwife rushed over to Bella and shooed Edward and I away. I was reluctant to move –I didn't want to leave Bella's side- but the determination in the old bat could prove risky to my health, and so I hurried over to where the nurses were cleaning the baby, Edward at my heels.

"I don't hear crying!" Bella said breathlessly, straining to sit up in her hospital bed. I glanced over at her, watching as she struggled to be free of the now overbearing matron who was meticulously checking Bella over for damage. She was right; the baby wasn't crying and according to the television shows I'd seen, that wasn't a good sign. I was instantly nervous, trying my hardest to see over the heads of the crowd of nurses surrounding the child. Edward was just as harried as I was, but of course he tried to hide it.

"Dr. Goss!" the midwife screeched suddenly. Edward and I snapped our heads towards the old woman, sensing the panic in her voice. "She's bleeding out!"

"I'm coming." Goss said, sounding aggravatingly unconcerned.

Now Edward and I rushed back over to Bella, both of us searching frantically for some way to lend some assistance. But again we were ushered away from Bella, and her being in such a frightened state. I was beginning to get angry with the medical folks, pushing me to and fro, not allowing me to check on my Bella when she so obviously needed comfort.

The doctor sauntered over and began to snoop around Bella's most private of areas again and after a moment, casually agreed with the worried midwife. I really wanted to punch his lights out.

"Take her to trauma." Goss said, peeling off his bloody gloves and grabbing the phone that was mounted on the wall.

"Trauma!?" I said weakly. "Oh God, no." I felt my knees begin to tremble as a wave of worry swept throughout my body. Why did there have to be complications?

"Can I go in with her?" Edward asked Goss as the nurses quickly wheeled her out the door. He was no longer hiding his worries.

"No one but the medical staff is allowed"-

"Oh shut up you ass!" I barked, stepping up closer and allowing him to experience my full height. "If he wants to go then he'll go."

"And I'll call security." Goss threatened.

"Let it go, Jacob." Edward said begrudgingly. I became instantly frustrated by his lack of fight. How could he just give up like that?

"The baby." He said simply, hearing my thoughts and knowing my worries.

"There's a waiting room," Goss huffed, looking from me to Edward. "Go there if you want." Then he left.

"Is it alright?" I asked Edward, my mind reeling as my thoughts jumped from Bella to baby, Bella to baby… He closed his eyes as he listened into the minds of all the nurses. I tried to peer at the child again, but was unable to catch a glimpse.

"They're trying to remove the liquid from his lungs." Edward said, his eyes still shut tightly.

"H-his?" I stammered. Edward smiled and then opened his eyes to look at me.

"She was wrong again." He chuckled.

A boy. Wow, a boy! My mind, so filled with worry only seconds before, now reeled with an unexplainable happiness. My heart was close to busting with pride. How awesome could a little boy be, I wondered. You could take him fishing and hunting, play football or catch, teach him honor and pride… The possibilities were endless. I couldn't explain it, but I knew in my heart that that little boy would be strong and able, a true chip off the old block. I absolutely couldn't wait to tell Billy that he was a – a…

Uncle? Certainly not a grandfather… The little high that I had so suddenly experienced came crashing down unexpectedly as I suddenly remembered that the bouncing baby boy over there wasn't mine to enjoy, but Edward's. My heart actually, physically hurt.

And when those nurses had finally removed the water from his tiny lungs, and I heard a glorious cry emit from the little creature, I had tears brim in my eyes. They were tears of pure joy and pride, but mixed with the sorrowful tears of longing and heartache. I realized I couldn't have that little boy and he would never call _me_ daddy…

My chin began to quiver, so I put my hand up to steady it. My world was crushing down on me yet again, and I felt a sense of hopelessness descend upon my heart. I glanced over at Edward, who'd made his way over to stand at my side, and I outright coveted his new-father status. He put an unexpected arm around my shoulders, standing on his tip toes, and gave me a knowing glance full of pity.

Damn it! With all the excitement I'd let the filter in my brain slack on it's job, the job of catching any trace of a memory about Bella and our time together or any iota of a thought about the baby. In my haste, I'd completely let my guard down and betrayed my most private thoughts.

I quickly shrugged away from Edward's icy embrace, a brooding mood beginning to settle in.

"Jacob…" he said softly.

"Don't" I mumbled back. I didn't want pity from him.

He sighed.

I could've made an attempt to reign in my thoughts, think of nothing but football or cars, but I knew it would've been impossible to take my mind away from what was transpiring in the here and now. A new baby, a new life to celebrate… It was a 'joyous occasion', but I couldn't really enjoy it. I let my mind run free, think whatever it was I wanted to think and allowing Edward to hear. I knew he was listening, but I just didn't care anymore. It didn't matter.

"Alright!" One of the nurses cooed, picking up the now bundled up baby in her arms and walking over to Edward and me. As she made her way, she lifted him up so we could see his little face, and what I saw in those bright eyes took my breath away. That was my face looking out at me. However squished and purple it was, there was no mistaking the startling resemblance the baby and I shared. He had my brow, my nose, my dark eyes and hair; he was me made over. His skin, still a little purplish, was dark but not as dark as my own, and the shape of his face was rounder, much like Bella's. He had her shape of lips too, very full and sinewy; or maybe he was just a little chunky. Bella had said she'd gained over thirty pounds, and the kid was surely enough a whopper.

The nurse drew nearer and held the boy out as she came to us. Edward and I both stretched our arms out to receive the child, but it was Edward's arms she placed him in, nonchalantly bypassing me without so much as a glance, giving my son to another man. I watched as Edward held him close, pressing his cool cheek to the baby's head and cooing soft words into his little ear. With sadness, I saw the child shiver at Edward's cold touch, and then decided that I'd had enough.

Battling the urge to touch the sweet babe, I stalked out of the hospital room, desperate for air that the building had so suddenly seemed to run out of. I stopped at the main desk again, seeing Carlisle behind it and talking with someone on the phone. He hung up almost immediately after he saw me and then smiled happily.

"Bella's doing just fine." He assured me, I guess taking my worn appearance as worry instead of heartache.

I nodded.

"I'd just finished up with the accident victim when Goss brought her in." He continued. "She'll have to stay for a few days to heal, but other than that she's good to go."

Despite the deep, gushing hole in my already broken heart and the foul mood I was in, I couldn't help but smile at hearing the news that Bella was alright. I was relieved and so I sighed heavily, letting out a few gusts of nervous energy.

"That's good to hear." I mumbled. "I guess I'll see you around." I moved toward the swinging doors that opened to the waiting room.

"Wait, how's the baby?"

I ignored him and walked through the doors to find the waiting area packed with the rest of the Cullens, Charlie, and my own father Billy, who still knew nothing about my involvement in Bella's pregnancy. Neither did Charlie for that matter. Boy, were they in for a surprise when they saw him…

"Is it a girl?" Rosalie asked excitedly as I neared the section they were occupying. They thought I was coming toward them but I was headed for the exit which they happened to be seated near.

"How's Bella?"

"How much did it weigh?"

"Where're the cigars?"

"When can we see them?"

"What's her name?"

I ignored all of their questions just as silently as I'd ignored Carlisle's, and busted through the automatic doors. I knew they were casting me confused looks, but I really didn't give a damn. As soon as I'd crossed the street and entered the edge of the forest I phased, not caring that I'd destroyed another shirt and jeans, not caring about anything anymore.


	7. Chapter 7

**NOTE: Hey everybody, thank you so much for all the reviews! I really appreciate every one of them. I do have a solid direction that I am going in, but any suggestions would be helpful. Also, I'd like to hear how I'm doing, if I could improve in some way. Constructive criticism is always welcome! **

**P.S. This is a long chapter so get comfy. Sorry!**

What If… Ch.7

"Have you seen Jacob around?" I asked Seth as I reached into the trunk of my Ferrari, heaving out my suitcase. I'd spent three days cooped up in the hospital, recovering from my minor injuries, and was glad to finally be home, new babe in arms. I was so looking forward to introducing Renesmee to her new brother and letting him see his first home. My excitement was quelled though by a very unhappy alpha male.

"Yeah…" Seth mumbled, taking the suitcase from my hand and peering at the baby curiously. Edward, who'd been tearing apart the car for a lost pacifier, popped his head out from the back seat, a brilliant smile upon his face. Seth gave him an odd stare.

"Aha!" he crowed, holding up the blue pacifier.

"Good job, Babe." I laughed. But when I turned back to Seth I became serious again. "How is he?"

Seth shrugged, looking back to me. "Grumpy as usual." He reached up with his free hand and gently caressed the little one's soft cheek. "I swear he and Leah should just"-

"Just what?"

Seth and I whipped our heads around, searching for the source of the scathing voice that so suddenly sounded. I squinted into the giant shrubs that lined the forest and gave a start as Leah herself emerged, a foul expression upon her face.

"Speak of the devil…"

"Devil is right." Seth agreed.

Leah cast him an angry glare and made her way over to inspect the newborn herself. She didn't touch him or let out any murmur of awe, uncharacteristic of any normal woman. Then again, Leah was never normal to begin with. The pack knew about the nature of the baby's conception just as well as the Cullens did, and so there was no surprise on Leah's bitter face at seeing the obvious native heritage in the baby's features. She did sneer however, and so I braced myself for whatever she decided to throw in my face.

"Looks like his father." She said with a sadistic grin, eyes turning to me and awaiting my reaction. I only looked to Edward, who'd climbed out of the car, seeing that his good mood had been extinguished within seconds of Leah's arrival. He stared at the pacifier in his hands.

We were all silent for a long moment.

"Uh…" said Seth awkwardly. "So, what's his name, then?"

I swallowed hard, avoiding Leah's devilish stare.

"J-Jacob Edward Cullen."

"How nice." Leah said, speaking in dangerously quiet tones, a mock sweetness in her voice. Her words caused the tiny hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end.

"Jay for short." Edward added as he stepped closer to me and the baby.

Seth grinned. "Cool.".

"I'm sure Jacob will be thrilled to know your son is named after him." Leah said, directing her words to Edward. "He'll be a proud uncle."

Seth's grin disappeared.

"That's enough, Leah." Edward said sternly, his calm demeanor beginning to fade. She only smiled at him and then sauntered back to the surrounding trees. I let out the breath I was holding.

"Sorry about her." Seth mumbled, watching his sister's back as she disappeared into the dense forest.

Edward sighed. "It's not your fault. Let's just get Jay settled and then we can start supper, alright?"

Seth's face brightened up at the mention of food and he hurried off into the Cullen house with a cheer. I looked down at my new son, into his dark, sparkling eyes and hoped for a better encounter with Jacob, wherever he was. He would have to show up some time and I was sure he couldn't stand to be away from the baby any longer than he had already. But I could only wait.

So much for a wonderful homecoming, I thought bitterly.

That evening, while the entire Cullen family and Seth were gathered around the fireplace in the living room, we introduced Renesmee to Baby Jay. She wasn't at all reluctant to meet the newborn and quickly took to him. She was almost two, looked to be around four or five, and so fit the part of big sister perfectly. It was a sweet introduction, ending in an adorable hug between the two children.

"If I could cry, I think I would." Esme said with a soft smile. Carlisle chuckled at his wife and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"Baby Jay!" Nessie squealed as the little one grabbed a soft ringlet of her hair and tugged. "You can't have my hair!"

We all laughed, only mine was half-hearted. I couldn't help but to feel that this happy picture was incomplete, as we were missing a very important figure in our family equation. Jacob should be here, I thought with a heavy sigh. I racked my brain for an excuse to leave the room and go search for that hairy mongrel.

"Seth?" I asked over the light chatter of my family. "Could you help me in the kitchen for a sec?"

"Sure can."

He and I walked into the kitchen, me feigning a casual air about myself, but I sensed a knowing pair of eyes boring into the back of my head as I made my way out of the room.

"Let's go outside." I mumbled once we'd made it out of the family's sight, grabbing Seth's arm and practically dragging him out the sliding glass doors.

"What's up?"

"I need you to phase and tell me where the heck Jacob is."

We stopped at the very edge of the forest and I spoke in a harsh whisper, careful of the vampires in the house who all possessed super-sonic hearing ability. Seth huffed and leaned up against an old tree.

"He won't come." He said flatly.

"Then I'll go to him."

I trudged through the dense undergrowth as I made my way deeper and deeper into the darkening forest. I'd been walking for over half an hour, heading in the direction of La Push, and on my way to see Jacob in a far off clearing. I'd tripped four times and only fallen twice, so I was proud of myself. I was doing pretty well considering that I'd just been through labor without any kind of pain killer. Seth had opted to carry me on his back but I'd refused, knowing the way already and wanting to speak with Jake alone. So I braved the forest alone, praying Jacob hadn't moved from his spot where, according to Seth, he was sleeping. Hopefully it was a long nap.

Not ten seconds after my second tumble, I clumsily fell into the clearing with a grunt of pain, having landed on a jagged branch that lay rotting at the forest floor. I mentally added a tally to the number of falls, bumping the amount to three. Jacob, thank goodness, was still there and curled up in a huge ball of fur, snoring loudly in the center of the clearing. The last few rays of the setting sun flickered over his russet fur, giving him a twinkling glow. He looked so peaceful that I hated to wake him, but I did anyway.

"Jake." I said softly, inching ever closer to the dozing wolf. "Wake up."

He heaved a sigh, still asleep.

When I got to him I gently nudged his cold, wet nose and giggled as his nostrils flared, sniffing me unconsciously. His eyes flew open and, startled by my closeness, he leapt back with a yelp and sent me flying backward a few yards. I landed on my back with a muffled thud.

"Umph!" I gasped as the wind was knocked from my lungs. After a moment, he hurried forward, having finally recognized who I was, and began sniffing me up and down for any injury. He whimpered his apologies.

I laughed. "Jake, please!" His nose tickled. "I'm okay, honest."

He sat back on his haunches and cocked his head to the side, ears up and alert, and peered at me. He looked like a cute puppy, only ten times the normal size.

I sighed and stood up, brushing the dirt from my jeans. "I want to talk to you." I said.

He snorted and then yawned, making it obvious that he was ignoring my statement.

I glared. "Now."

He growled deep in his throat and stuck out his hind leg awkwardly, showing me that he was lacking a pair of pants. Of course, I thought.

"Wear a leaf for all I care! We need to talk, and I mean now." I put my balled up fists on my hips to emphasize the seriousness of the matter. He growled again and then proceeded to phase, right there in front of me; no sign of shame on his haggard face. I looked away quickly.

"Alright," he said. "Talk."

"You're naked."

"So? You've seen it before."

"_So _you're making this awkward. Now find a leaf or flower or something!" I stomped my foot stupidly.

"Jeez," he mumbled, striding over to a random fern and picking off a large frond. "You sure are demanding tonight, Bella."

"Sorry."

I had become quite flushed and ashamed of myself in that instant, for when he'd turned to retrieve the frond, I'd stolen a glimpse of his naked form and took pleasure in what I saw. My cheeks were burning red as I remembered our moment together at his home so many months ago. It had been so, so wonderful…

Quickly, I focused my gaze on a patch of wildflowers that happened to be growing near to where my feet were planted, hoping Jacob hadn't seen me blush. I felt dirty for picturing us together, guilty because I had a husband and shouldn't have taken such delight in the memory. I was angry as well because, after all the effort I'd put into forgetting that particular moment in my life, Jacob decided to reveal himself to me again and ruin what little I'd accomplished. I'd even bet he did it on purpose.

"I look like an idiot." Jacob complained, looking down at himself as he held the frond over his groin. He did look fairly humorous and so awkward and uncomfortable that, at any other moment, I would have laughed aloud. But I was too befuddled by the flustering memories to laugh. "Don't make me wear this, Bella. Please."

But I couldn't help but laugh at that. He was begging.

"Hold on." I said as I lay down in the tall grass that covered the clearing from one end to the other, my face turned up toward the purple dusk sky.

"Is that an open invitation?" he said. I could hear the grin in his voice. I didn't like what he said to me at all but still, it was good to hear Jake laugh and know that he still possessed enough spirit to jest me.

"No. I can't see you now if you lay down. Come over here and we'll watch the stars come out."

"Whatever." He said dejectedly. With a grunt, Jacob lay down next to me, letting air escape his lungs forcefully. The warmth of his body next to mine caused goose bumps to cover my skin which had become rather chilled in the night air. I tried to ignore the fact that he was naked.

"Why won't you come see Jay?" I asked, tired of beating around the bush.

"Jay, huh?" he mumbled. I watched as he twirled the fern frond in his long fingers.

"Yeah, short for Jacob Edward."

"How nice." He said, repeating the words that Leah had earlier spoken, but with less bitterness. Jacob sounded defeated.

I sighed, trembling. "Come see him."

"He isn't mine."

"Then come see Renesmee. I know you miss her, and she won't shut up about you. She's worried…"

"What are you telling her?" he asked, his voice more lively as he talked about his imprint.

"That you're on a hunting trip." I began, turning on my side and resting my head on my upturned elbow. I determinedly kept my eyes on Jacob's weary face. "She knows you've been gone _hunting_ too long. She thinks you've forgotten about her…"

Jake sat up and sighed, dropping his face into one hand, unconsciously allowing the other to clench around the poor fern frond. I didn't move.

"Bella, I…" he tried as his voice became thick with uncharacteristic emotion. I did sit up then, not caring what parts of Jacob I saw, and patted his strong back with my small hand.

"Tell me, Jake." I pressed as tears began to brim my own eyes.

"I want to see Renesmee," he began, his face still concealed. "I miss her so much but to see that little boy again will kill me."

I let tears roll down my cheeks as he spoke his melancholy words, wishing I knew what it was that he needed to hear, what I needed to say to make him feel better. Finding none, I wrapped my arms around his trim waist to lend what little comfort I could. He reached an arm across my shoulders then, revealing his tear streaked face to me. He was pitiful, I thought sadly. This big, burly wolf-man was absolutely broken and all because of my selfishness.

I tore my brain apart, searching for any possible solution to the problem at hand. This was too much for Jacob to bare and I had to find a way to fix it. But what could be done? Jake wasn't my husband, we couldn't raise the child as a couple, and that's what I wanted for Jay: a stable, two-parent home. I didn't want to pass him back and forth like a child of divorced parents because I knew from experience how difficult it was. Nor did I want Jay to be raised by everyone in the Cullen family, like a foster child; he needed a sturdy set of parents whom he could confide in, trust and love as his own. What was I to do?

The roller coaster that was my mind began to slow as it approached a more favorable idea, better for Jay than any other I'd come up with. I allowed my thoughts to dance around the new idea, pick it for flaws and weigh it against the every other solution. Renesmee, I thought slowly. She'll be grown in what? Four years?

"Bella?" Jacob said suddenly, startling me from my thoughts. I looked up at him, noticing that the tears had ceased to drop from his sweet eyes.

"Hmm?"

"Nessie knows I love her, right?" he asked as he wiped his nose on the back of his strong arm.

"Of course she does."

He nodded and sniffed. "I'm going to try," he began. "I'll come see her and Jay…"

I couldn't help but smile at Jacob's bravado. "You are the bravest and strongest person I know and not just physically." I encouraged, feeling very proud of my best friend. "We'll work this out. I promise we will."

"How're we going to do that?"

"I've got a few ideas…" I offered, reaching up and scratching his shaggy head.

He groaned in pleasure. "Sure, sure."

"So uh… What did your dad say when he saw the baby?" Jacob asked as we strolled through the dark forest hand in hand. He wasn't naked anymore for, being so close to La Push, he'd phased and run down to his house to fetch a pair of faded jeans. When he'd returned, we began our trek back to the Cullen's.

I chuckled. "Well…" I began. "Both he and Billy came in at the same time to see Jay and well, let's just say they quite confused."

Jacob laughed heartily. "I'd have loved to seen the looks on their faces. Did they ask questions?"

"Charlie learned a long time ago that you just don't ask questions of the Cullens. You know that, but I knew he and Billy wanted to. I guess Charlie noticed how calm Edward was, about the baby's looks and all, and so he must have figured if Edward was okay with it then he should be too."

Jake shook his head with a grin. "And Billy?"

"Charlie leaned over to him and was like 'I know from experience. Just don't ask'. And then Billy goes 'Alright. I don't even think I _want _to know.'" I laughed.

"I love a smooth get-away." He chuckled. "No questions asked."

I smiled and glanced up at the many stars that speckled the dark night sky. "It is uncanny how much Jay looks like you, and him being so young and all. I don't think there's an ounce of me in him."

"Of course there is." Jake said as he lifted me over a fallen tree. "He's got your fat head."

I punched him in the shoulder, only succeeding to bruise my knuckles and make him laugh harder. I couldn't be angry because he was beginning to act himself again. I figured that by my letting him know that I was keen on fixing the situation we'd all found ourselves in, allowed him to relax a little and ease up for a change. He must really trust me, I thought with worry. I just hoped I could deliver.

When we'd arrived back at the Cullen house and mounted the stairs, Jacob hesitated at the top, looking down at his big feet nervously.

"Come on…" I urged. He bit his bottom lip. "You can do this." The words I'd spoken, a repeat of what he'd said to me back at the hospital, caused him to smile and he sighed, remembering.

He scratched his head. "Listen, I'm no pansy or anything but…If I see him I might start to- well, you know…"

"I'll let you see him in private." I suggested, touching his arm reassuringly. "Go down the hall to the study and I'll bring him to you."

He nodded and we went inside.

I couldn't help the tears that sprung up in my eyes as I placed the warm baby boy in Jacob's big arms. He took the child gently as I instructed him to support its head, and cuddled Jay to his bare chest. There was something about seeing a strong, hardened man being tender and loving with a baby that amazed me beyond words. Seeing Jacob's eyes light up, to know that the baby was melting his bitter heart, elicited an unexplainable feeling of peace and a knowledge that sooner or later, everything was going to turn out for the better and that the pieces in this strange family puzzle would eventually fall into place and fit. Reassurance filled my heart and I allowed the tears to stream down my cheeks.

Jacob looked up at me from his seat on a footrest, eyes dry and bright. "Why are _you _crying?"

I chuckled. "This picture is so perfect. You and Baby Jay… Just perfect."

"We _would _make a great family." He said, giving me a meaningful glance. I saw a familiar fire begin to burn in his eyes and so I quickly sought out a way to extinguish it. "You and me… our baby."

I sighed.

"What?"

"Let's not get into this again, Jake. And stop ruining the moment."

"Sorry." He whispered, gazing back down into Jay's dark eyes and smiling wanly.

Of a sudden, the door to the study burst open, ricocheting off the back wall, and a very excited little girl came bounding in. Her direction: Jacob.

"Careful Renesmee!" I said as she ran over to Jake and wrapped her arms around his neck. He nuzzled his cheek into her soft curls and laughed at her exuberance.

"Jakey, where have you been?" she demanded, squeezing tighter. Jacob coughed, trying to get air.

"Uh…hunting." He choked.

"For so long?"

"It was a very elusive deer."

"Cougar!" I coughed, my fist coming up to cover my mouth.

"Er-cougar I mean."

Renesmee glared at him and then smiled down at the baby boy. I giggled at her expressions.

"Do you like Jay?" she asked.

Jacob winked. "I love him." Renesmee smiled and reached over to pat the child's wisps of black hair.

"He can be ours." She said happily.

Jacob swallowed hard. "Sure, sure."

My daughter's light statement sent the wheels in my brain turning as I contemplated what she'd just said. I added her words to my earlier thoughts, the ones pertaining to Renesmee rapid growth and mental ability. I had a plan cooking, but it needed to be sorted out, organized and discussed. I had made a promise to both Edward and Jacob that I would find a way to resolve the turmoil that lay in their hearts, and as my mind worked, I slowly began to see the first glimpse of a solution.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey everybody! Thanks so much for the reviews and suggestions –I'm getting the feeling that you guys don't like Renesmee… Well, it's not her fault that Bella chose the wrong man lol. Anyway, now that I know what you all want to have happen I'm going to have to switch things up a bit and it might take a while to write. I think I like your ideas better anyway…**

**I don't own Twilight or these characters even though I wish I did.**

What If… Ch.8

Three months had passed since Jay's birth and as I'd hoped, things between me, Jacob, and Jay were getting a little less tense. Of course Jacob wasn't at all happy with the situation, but his anger and bitterness had subsided considerably as the time had passed. He never made himself scarce anymore, practically living at the Cullen's main house or camping out on the front porch – to get away from the smell. He was also very active in the care of Jay, spending nearly as much time with him as he did with Renesmee. They were like his two children and he was the proud papa.

Seeing the three of them together warmed my soul and at the same time, nourished my ever-growing plan to repair all of our broken hearts. Renesmee favored Jay in some ways and yes, she also had the same 'big head' Jay and I shared. Once grown, anyone would mistake her as the parent and deep down, I was counting on that.

Today, every Cullen- plus Jacob and Seth- was gathered around a large picnic table that sat on a flat patch of land astride the river behind the Cullen house. It was mid-afternoon and everyone was enjoying the beautiful spring weather. The vampires were sparkling like never before as the sun danced across their swimsuit-clad bodies, Renesmee shimmering slightly in a pink two piece and me in a modest bikini.

We'd been enjoying a picnic, the werewolves, Jay, Renesmee, and I the only ones eating the smorgasbord of food that'd been prepared, and were just now either relaxing in the sunshine or taking a dip in the cool river. The mood was calm, spirits were high, and the whole lot of us were thoroughly enjoying the nice day we'd been blessed with, especially the werewolves.

"Canon ball!" Seth yelled from a makeshift bridge over the water, a fallen tree to be exact. With a cheer, he leapt into the flowing stream and, because of his huge body size, splashed an enormous wave onto the bank, thoroughly soaking Rosalie to the bones. I hadn't realized the water got so deep, so I instructed Jacob to keep a close eye on Renesmee.

"Of course!" he said with a smile, grabbing Nessie and tossing her a few feet out and into the water. She squealed happily when her head resurfaced. I should've known the relaxation period wouldn't last long with two boisterous werewolves and an extremely hyperactive little girl.

Baby Jay cooed in my arms as a sprinkle of water touched his little cheeks and I laughed at his delighted grin. Edward, his cool arm around my shoulders, grinned down at the baby and wiped the droplets away.

He turned his attention to Jacob. "Come see if Jay likes to swim." He suggested.

Jake laughed and ran up to get the little baby. "Hey, little man." He said softly as he scooped up the bundle, supporting Jay's head like I'd taught him.

Alice called to us from the water. "Take his diaper off so it won't swell up and bust open." She said. Jacob pulled the little diaper down, accidentally and unknowingly ripping the sticky tab off. I watched as he tossed it onto the table then looked at Edward, exasperated.

"Ewww!" Renesmee said with a giggle. "He's naked!"

"So what?" Jacob responded. "We like to be naked don't we, Jay?"

I saw Rosalie roll her eyes.

"And look at him." He continued. "He hasn't got a thing to be ashamed of, just like his old man."

I slapped my forehead. Of course, Jacob was referring to himself, momentarily forgetting that Edward was the daddy. He slipped up big time.

"Uh…" Emmett said with a grin. "Jake, how would you know if Edward was"-

"Emmett!" Edward snapped. Emmett just laughed, but I could see the tension in his face. Jacob's eyes showed reserve, just realizing his mistake and seriously regretting it.

"I, uh… meant to say his uncle." He stammered as he waded into the water, little Jay in arms.

"It's alright, Jacob." I heard Alice say from her spot in the water. Jacob gave her a half-hearted smile and then turned so that the rest of us could see Jay.

"Ready?" he said into the little one's ear. Jay wiggled his feet happily.

"Be careful, now." Carlisle said from the bank. Esme lay beside him, soaking up the sun and wearing a wan smile upon her face.

Gingerly, Jacob dipped the child's tiny body into the cool water, allowing only his head and neck to remain above. With happy coos, Jay splashed with his arms with which he still had very little motor control over yet. I saw Jake grin widely as the baby experienced the new feeling of cool river water. It was another Kodak moment, perfect in every way.

"Can I hold him?" Renesmee asked as she made her way over to them.

Jacob lowered his body into the water to sit as his son played. "Nope." He said flatly. Renesmee stuck her tongue out and splashed him.

"No, Rnesmee!" Edward said from the table.

"It's okay," Jacob said quickly. "He likes it."

"Sowry." Renesmee mumbled sincerely.

"It's alright." Jacob assured her. "We'll let Alice hold him while I go and get him another diaper. I think I might've torn the one he was wearing."

He handed the bundle of joy to Alice and stepped from the river, allowing water to cascade down his annoyingly well-chiseled body. I turned my eyes away from him, blushing as his thin black swimsuit clung to his solid form.

"I'll be back." He announced as he headed toward the house.

I stood up, remembering that I had a whole new pack of diapers stashed away in the laundry room. "Wait, let me show you where the new pack is. We used up the last one this afternoon."

He nodded and I led him up the deck stairs and into the house. He followed close behind.

"I sure put my foot in mouth today." Jacob grumbled as we entered the cluttered laundry room. I smiled to myself and glanced around, trying to remember exactly where I'd stashed the diapers. The room was a complete disaster. The washer and dryer took up half the space on their own and the shelves across from them were piled with junk, clothes littered the floor like you would not believe.

"It was an honest mistake." I offered as I kicked an inflated balloon out of my way; how random. There was no telling what other strange things could be found in the room. Just the other day Emmett had found a pack of spark plugs for his Jeep underneath a laundry basket and no one had a clue how it'd gotten there.

Jake gave a humorless laugh. "Yeah well, I made an idiot out of myself."

I turned to look at him. "No you didn't."

He rolled his eyes, fidgeting with an old baseball glove perched upon a shelf beside him; he felt lousy. And I knew a perfect way to cheer him up and, quite assuredly, end his ever-growing heartache. I took a deep breath, readying myself to spill the beans and fix what I'd so selfishly screwed up.

I exhaled slowly and leaned against the dryer for support because, from witnessing Jacob's pain, I knew I would be feeling that same pain soon-because I was about to give up my baby. "I talked with Edward the other day…" I began quietly.

"Okay…"

I swallowed. "What would you say if we uh, maybe changed the name on the birth certificate?"

Jacob was quiet for a long moment and I could see every emotion cross his face, confusion and hurt the most dominant of them all. "You want to take my name off the certificate." It wasn't a question and his voice was trembling slightly. "So what's his name going to be? _Charlie_ Edward Cullen?"

"No, Jake. I want to change the father's name." I whispered, touching his arm. His eyes snapped to mine, complete shock now etched upon his handsome face. I smiled.

"W-what?" he stammered.

"You heard me." I chuckled. "Edward and I have agreed to allow you to be the father. It's only right."

"I can't believe this!" he crowed, tears of joy filling his eyes, a smile brightening his face. He reached over and hugged me with his bear-like grip and I nearly suffocated.

"Jake!" I squealed.

"Oh, sorry." He let go and I felt glorious oxygen return to my lungs. "I keep forgetting."

"No problem." I wheezed. "But – that's – not all.'

"What do you mean?"

I prepared myself for what I was about to say, already feeling the icy fingers of remorse begin to grasp my heart. "Well…" I said slowly. "When Nessie is grown then maybe she should… put her name on the certificate as well."

Jacob's smile washed from his face as he absorbed what I'd just suggested. Well jeez, I thought he'd be thrilled.

"You don't like the idea?" I asked, and as much as I hated to admit it, I hoped he didn't like it. I wanted Jay too.

"No that's a great idea, don't get me wrong." He assured me. "It's just that – I sort of want Jay to be ours."

My mouth fell open. "Jake, I've told you before and I know you aren't blind or stupid, but in case you haven't noticed-"

"You're married, I know."

"Yeah and I don't plan on changing that." I fumed, even though I was secretly tickled that he was game for letting me keep Jay.

"You don't have to be married to share a child, Bella. Are you the stupid one here?"

"I don't want him to have to be passed back and forth."

"I practically live here."

"What about Renesmee?"

"What about her?"

"If both of us are the parents then her brother will also be her step-son!" I screeched, not really caring whether or not the vampires could hear me. "We aren't the freakin' Beverly Hillbillies."

Jacob's brow furrowed angrily. "In case _you _haven't noticed, your little vampire family is already messed up as it is!"

"What are you on about?"

"Hello! Rosalie is Emmett's sister _and _his wife, same thing with Alice and Jasper. That's pretty screwed up if you ask me."

I couldn't argue with that. Damn him.

"No, it's too weird." I muttered.

"Hey, at least it isn't incest."

I sighed. He crossed his arms over his chest, a smirk of triumph on his face.

"I'll have to talk to Edward about it…" I said, utterly defeated. "Why is it so important that Jay is ours? Why can't he be yours and Renesmee's?"

His smirk vanished, only to be replaced with a very sincere expression. He nudged a basketball with his bare foot. "I don't know." He mumbled.

"Yes you do."

He huffed, arms still crossed. "I just want us to share something. Baby Jay is like a – a souvenir you could say. He is what should have existed, Bella. We are what should have been. Jay is us; my part of you and your part of me."

"Jake – " I tried.

"I can't get it out of my head." He continued. "That time at my house, the feelings we so obviously still share…"

"Here we go again." I mumbled angrily.

"No, Bella." He urged, taking my arms in his vice grip. "You cannot stand here and tell me you don't think about it too. You do wonder about us and what we could have been and you do imagine another life, a normal life."

"Werewolves aren't normal…" I whispered feebly. He let go of my arms, leaving imprints of his hands where they'd squeezed me.

"You know I'm right."

Yes he was right. No matter how hard I tried, no matter what I did to keep my thoughts from him, the memory of us was never, ever forgotten. Sure I'd managed to push it to the bottom of my memory bank, but it always lingered on my conscious mind, never giving me a break, always haunting me. I should have expected it though, for how could you possibly forget something as life changing as love between two people who were naturally meant to be together, but weren't?

My eyes welled up with tears that I really hoped Jacob couldn't see, and I turned around to rest my palms on the cool metal surface in front of me, completely shaken. I glanced up and spotted the new pack of diapers on the narrow shelf above the dryer. As I reached up to grab them I felt a very warm pair of hands encircle my bare waist.

I gave a startled gasp and came down from my tip toes, turning to face the one embracing me. Jacob had all but closed the already small distance between us, our stomachs touching lightly.

"Jacob what are you doing?"

His eyes were ablaze with a fire I recognized from a year ago, and I was suddenly very feverish and scared at the same time. He never let his gaze falter from my own as he bent his head closer to mine. His breath was sweet and warm on my face.

I sighed shakily. "Stop it. Now."

"Bella…" he breathed.

I hadn't a clue what had come over him, causing him to act in such a way, to touch me so intimately. I tried to figure out what his motives were, see where on earth he was coming from. I hadn't flirted or touched him in any way that could be considered sensual, I hadn't led him on… It wasn't my fault.

"Jake, stop. I don't know why you think you can do this, now stop!"

He drew back, face suddenly stained red with an embarrassed blush. "I'm sorry – I shouldn't have – well…"

"What were you thinking?" I demanded, trying desperately to sound outraged instead of flustered.

"I don't know." He ran his fingers through his shaggy damp hair. "I just – can't help myself. I want you, Bella. I want you for my own so badly I can't stand it." His blush deepened noticeably.

I'd turned red too, but it wasn't from embarrassment. I was red because I was angry that Jacob had sprung this on me again, and mad at my body for responding to his advances. I really didn't know what to think or how to react to his revelation; I was dumbfounded.

"Bella, don't freak out." He pleaded, taking my arms in his hands again, but gently this time. "Let me have you. We belong –"

"Hush, Jacob. I don't want to hear it!" My eyes were brimming with tears again. "I love Edward."

"You love me too. You said so when we were…"

"I can't have you both." I cried in desperation. "I've chosen already! We can never –"

Before I could really begin, my words were cut off as Jacob took my mouth with an urgent kiss. I sucked in air with my nose, struggled helplessly against his unyielding strength. His tongue forced its way in to touch my own, and an overwhelming heat flooded my entire body. His hands grasped desperately at my backside, pushing me into him, allowing me to feel the level of his arousal.

"Make love to me." he gasped through heavy pants. I looked away, desperately trying to hide my flushed cheeks. I don't want him to do this, I repeated over and over in my head. I don't like this…

"No." I whimpered.

"You know you want to."

"Stop telling me what I know!"

He ignored me. "Touch me, Bella." He said in a voice I'd longed to forget but absolutely loved to hear. I shook my head, not trusting myself to speak.

He reached for my hand and as he took it, moved his lips to my neck and nibbled. He placed my shaking palm over the bulge in his swimsuit and my heart skipped a few beats. I could feel my body respond to the sensual touch, my swimsuit bottoms growing wet with my own reluctant arousal. I hated to like it…

Despite my good judgment and my commitment to Edward, I let instinct take over and squeezed his hard penis in my hands, nearly melting as I heard a low groan of pleasure escape his mouth. I rubbed him through the fabric just slightly, re-familiarizing myself with Jacob's shape and size. So for quite a few moments our bodies – hands, arms, mouths – were a tangle of touching and kissing as we fought to devour each other. The tiny room was quiet except for our heavy and desperate breathing. The air conditioned temperature had suddenly become unbearably warm, and our flailing bodies soon prickled with sweat beads.

What was I doing? Kissing my best friend and touching him in such forbidden ways? This man, who I was not married to? I tried to come up with excuses for my behavior and his, but they were all lame. I tried to tell myself that we were both in a vulnerable state of mind, what with the baby's parentage such a troubling issue. Jake and I'd just caught ourselves at our most excruciating point of vulnerability, that's all. We just needed comfort…

He lifted me up effortlessly and sat me down on the dryer. I felt chills run up my spine as his hands caressed my inner thighs, and gasped for air when his warm tongue plunged into my mouth. The feelings I was experiencing were so refreshing and somewhat new, even though I'd felt them once before, like a rare treat. Jacob's fiery touch, so wonderful compared to Edward's cold one, felt welcome on my chilled skin. The man's sheer masculinity, his rough hands and rugged features, made every ounce of me crave his body and ignore my marriage. I wanted his attention and I was losing all focus…

"Mmm…" I mumbled traitorously as he tasted my earlobe with his steamy tongue.

His hands slid under my bikini top and pulled it over my head to expose my breasts to the cold air, and my nipples peaked. He dipped his head down take one in his mouth, and I pulled at his shorn hair. Then went my bottoms as he yanked them down forcefully. I hissed as the cool metal of the machine touched my bare backside. With a ragged breath, he pressed his clothed erection into my open legs, giving me a preview, letting me know exactly what he wanted.

"Do you want me?" he whispered hoarsely, his deep voice sending shivers through my naked flesh. Yes, I did want him. But I couldn't admit that, I shouldn't because Jacob wasn't mine to have.

I shook my head no.

A growl sounded deep in his throat, he was angry with my response.

"We can't." I said weakly.

My words made him angrier and he reached behind my head to pull my hair, forcing my head back and my eyes to meet his. It is said that a person's eyes say it all, and so I was frightened by what he was telling me.

He wanted me, and he was going to have me whether I liked it or not.

I couldn't believe how Jacob's demeanor differed from the one he had during that fateful meeting long ago, where he'd been vulnerable and shy. The way he was treating me now, forcing my clothes off and pulling my hair, was almost animalistic. Instead of being the timid boy I'd remembered, he'd become a dominant man; a man willing to use force to get what he desired. I was terrified of what he was capable of and oddly, I was thrilled too.

Edward, my _husband_, was never the dominating type. He was always sweet and gentle with me, just as Jacob had been. It was very nice and romantic, but the way Jake was acting was so very exciting. He was running on lust and eagerness, and it was that eagerness that led his every demanding action. Again, I hated to like it…

"Make love to me, Bella. Please…" he pleaded in my ear.

His free hand went down to his swimsuit and he pulled them to his ankles and kicked them off onto a pile of laundry in the floor. I saw his erection and remembered every detail about it, remembered its feeling in my hands as well as in my body. Not thinking, I grabbed him and barely stroked, listening to his sharp intake of breath as he felt my trembling hands touch him so intimately. Jeez, why did I like it so much?

Our heavy breathing filled the air as he stood there and I sat, both of us bare and both of us staring intently into one another's eyes. This was it. Either I said 'no' like a good girl, a girl who was most certainly in love with her husband, or 'yes' like someone who was hopelessly lost in this man's fiery embrace.

He growled, waiting for my permission to continue with our adultery. No matter if I gave it or not, he would have me anyway.

I nodded…

Without a word or a pause, he held himself and guided his erection into me, letting a soft moan emit from his sweet mouth. His length, so warm and so different from Edward's, was yet again startling to my senses and I inhaled sharply as it stretched my sensitive walls. My hands gripped his broad shoulders as I fought to hold onto my good sense, to be good and stop him. But something deep inside wouldn't let me.

"Just let go, Bella honey." He whispered. I shook my head as fresh tears filled my eyes. What was I doing?

He sighed as he waited inside me, annoyed.

"Jacob…"

He covered my lips with his own and slowly began to pump within me, allowing my mind to remember the moment, this same feeling I'd experienced long ago. I tried to protest though, not letting the glorious sensations muddle me, and pushed his shoulders from me, averting my head so our lips parted. But he was just too strong and way too determined to have me. He'd turned into a ravenous animal who would not, could not be stopped.

I didn't know what to do. Fight harder? But he was too strong and way too excited to stop. Should I give in and let him have what he wanted? Should I really be enjoying this so much? No, I shouldn't be because it was so wrong. So why couldn't I stop?

My body was being pressed hard against the dryer as he moved within me, hurting my tail bone. I hissed, gripping his shoulders with my nails and uttered a small sound of discomfort.

He lifted his face from my shoulder and met my furious gaze, realized my situation. But instead of stopping and letting me go, he decided to change positions. Gripping my waist, he lifted me from my perch and stood me on the floor. The motion made him fall out of me and, to my surprise and equal shame, I wanted him back in. Quickly, he spun me around so that his front was pressed against my back and I was leaning on the stupid dryer for support.

"Jacob, stop…" my good sense said. He didn't listen.

He slid his erection between my butt cheeks and mumbled stubbornly, "No."

Again I tried to protest, flailing my arms and jabbing his ribs with my elbows. He caught me and shoved his body against mine, forcing me into submission and into the damned dryer, hurting my stomach. He wrapped one long arm around my entire body, restricting my own arms, and placed his other on the dryer for support. My struggling ceased as his strength overpowered my weak, human body.

I craned my neck so I could look him dead in the eyes. "Who are you?" I demanded through gritted teeth.

"I'm your Jacob." He whispered.

"No," I spat. "My Jacob would never force me to do this! My Jacob wouldn't _rape _me."

He had the audacity to smirk. "You can't rape the willing."

Ignoring my outraged expression, he slid himself back into me once again and continued his rhythm. I tried so hard to stay angry but the feeling that washed over me was too intense to overcome, the feeling of wholeness inside my heart and inside my body. I realized that this is where I should be, where I was supposed to have come long ago, but was too stubborn and intoxicated by Edward that I refused to. I was meant to be here in Jacob's arms, feeling his love and sharing my love with him, not Edward.

Jacob had been right from the beginning. If I'd given up Edward, this bond is what I would've had, a bond of love making and one of Jay as well. Our lives would've been normal and healthy, natural. There would be no Renesmee, the only part of me, up until recently, I'd allowed Jacob to have, so he wouldn't have imprinted. He would have been totally mine.

Now though, when I finally realized what my choice should've been, when I finally admitted to my myself who it was I really wanted, I couldn't have him. Not completely anyways, because Jacob was Renesmee's and soon she would be the only one he'd want too. Because of my stubbornness I'd missed out on a lot with Jacob, and because I had Renesmee, what little time I had with him now wouldn't last.

An overwhelming sense of defeat descended upon my heart and, reluctantly, I let go of the good sense I'd managed to keep and allowed myself to feel the love I'd repressed for too long. What would it hurt? To get what little of Jacob I could before I had to give him up to my own daughter.

I lifted an arm and wrapped it round his neck, shoving his head down to my lips so I could kiss his naturally warm mouth. Realizing that I'd finally given in, he moaned deep in his chest and squeezed his arm around me tighter. His breathing was labored as he pumped me with more force and his grip on the dryer grew stronger, his knuckles turning white. My stomach, being pressed harder and harder into the barrier, began to get sore with every thrust and as hard as I tried, I couldn't ignore the pain.

I lifted up, breaking Jacob's rhythm, and turned back around so that our bare chests and stomachs were touching. The beads of sweat that sprinkled Jake's body mingled with my own and we slipped against each other as we kissed passionately. His erection was pressed up against my abdomen, wet from my body and pulsing with an eagerness to continue.

He growled in his throat, looking at me with hooded eyes, "Love me, Bella." He whispered.

"I do…" I breathed.

He picked me up then, cradling me like I was a bride, and lay me gently on the laundry-covered floor. With hushed whispers and fleeting kisses, he made love to me, using every ounce of passion and love contained in his big heart. Gone were his aggressive actions, only to be replaced with the sweet tenderness of our first time together. Our bodies writhed with pleasure as we moved in unison and our murmurs and gasps of ecstasy were muffled by the piles of clothing. The room was so calm with silence save for our frantic breathing and lovemaking, and the scent of our pheromones filled the air, driving our senses wild with anticipation of release.

I knew when Jacob was getting close, his breath coming in labored gasps and his motions getting faster. Like last time, he perched on his knee and lifted my pelvis up to receive him, balancing precariously on his left arm. As I climbed up to my own release, I felt him spill into me. He cried out with a deep voice, in pure bliss. His body became rigid as he rode the strong waves out. As he slowed, my own orgasm flooded my body with startling power, so strong that I couldn't breathe.

He held himself up and began to pull out, but I grabbed his arms to stop him. "No, stay," I said breathlessly.

He sighed, lowered himself a bit, pressing on me so that I could barely get in any air. I noticed his body was trembling with exertion and sweat still dripped from his fevered skin.

Noticing my discomfort, he suddenly flipped us so that he was on bottom and me on top, our bodies still connected. I really wanted to stay that way forever and feel him so close to me and my heart, but I knew we'd been gone for far too long and my family would have started to wonder.

I sighed as I felt him grow soft inside me, and lifted up on my arms to stare into his handsome face. "I need to get back…" I whispered. He smiled wanly and heaved a content sigh.

"I think I'll head over to La Push." He mumbled, scratching his eye. I frowned. "I don't want Edward in my head."

I nodded, understanding. "I'll tell them you had to help Billy move furniture or something."

"Alright, but I don't know about you going back down there just yet." He said as he sat up on his elbows. "Take a shower. You smell like… well…"

I saw his cheeks turn red and I slowly saw my shy, timid Jacob come back completely. I chuckled. "Okay, come up for an excuse for me then. And get Seth to come get the diapers."

He smiled and we got up and dressed ourselves, after a frantic search through the laundry piles that is. Once clothed in his wet swimsuit, he walked out on deck and called for Seth to get his hairy butt up where we were.

"Billy needs me to move some furniture and Bella spilled a carton of laundry detergent all over herself so she's gettin' in the shower!" he called. Not the best of excuses, but it seemed to work.

"How'd she wind up doing that?" I heard Emmett ask with a hearty laugh.

Jacob chuckled back. "We're talking about Bella, here." He teased. I rolled my eyes as I peeled my top back on.

"Good point.' Emmett shot back.

Jake looked back at me. "Seth's on his way. Go get in the shower."

I nodded and turned to leave when Jake caught my arm. I met his gaze, confused by the sudden worry I saw in his brown eyes. "You're on birth control, right?"

"Yeah." I mumbled, remembering the only reason why was because I didn't want to have another child with Edward. My husband.

He sighed with relief. "See you later then, Bells. I love you…"

"L-love you too."

He exited the small room and I scurried up the steps to the rarely used bathroom, my body trembling with nervous energy and relief that we hadn't been caught. That was twice.

"Where are the diapers?" Seth bellowed through the house. I stuck my head out the bathroom door and told him where to look, shut it back quickly.

As I let the steamy water wash over my body, my earlier actions finally began to sink in and so did the guilt. But I brushed it off for the time being, knowing that I'd done what my heart had led me to do and, whether or not Jake and I made love again, as least I knew my true feelings. Despite them though, there was nothing I could do about my marriage to Edward or Jacob's imprint on Renesmee.

All I could do was savor the moments Jake and I had, and prepare myself to let go of them when the time came. Also, for the time being, I needed to figure out what the _hell _I was doing, or going to do for that matter, now that I'd had sex with Jacob of my own free will. This was going to be complicated, and Edward could never ever find out about it; Jacob was going to have to keep a strong barrier against him.

The smart thing to do would be to stop this affair with my best friend before it got even more serious because, damn it, I still loved Edward too. But, to my surprise, I realized I wasn't going to be able to do that. I was not capable of giving Jacob up, especially since I had a limited amount of time with him.

**Ok everybody! I need suggestions and opinions. I do know where this is headed now, but a little help never hurt anything!**


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